Terror in Mumbai, Anger in my Heart.

Mumbai, 27/11/2008. It's an attack on us. We must fight back. But who are "Us and We" ? and who are "They" ?

My brother lives in Mumbai, and works 5 mins away from the Oberoi. As a knee jerk reaction, I called him, and only when I was assured of his and his family's safety, I could think of anything else. The first "us" is family.

But the next? The wider ? I feel and write this not as a Hindu or Indian. I write it as a human being. as an earthling. I feel as if demons have descended on us from another planet... It is hard to believe that a fellow human being can do any act as
ghastly as this on anyone else!!!

Killing people totally innocent , just to get figures... to make impact, to underline a statement, and to grab attention - which religion teaches this? Which religion can possibly advocate massacre the likes of which is seen in Mumbai ?
I think of people sitting in CST waiting room, roaming on platforms, waiting outside a cafe, sipping coffee in restaurants, or strolling in hotel lobbies. These people have lives!! people who were killed, just as if they meant nothing. They meant
everything, everything to their families! Each one of these people had a thousand dreams, a thousand acquaintances, a thousand colours, and loves, and a thousand lives they touched! How can you, in name of a faith, cut these thousand threads of affection by one bullet?? What explanation can a terrorist give to a mother? Can revenge be an answer enough to life long tears? Can hatred be an excuse enough to a torn life?

I know not if I'm angry at feeling helpless, or helpless about feeling angry. I know not if this will be enough for us to start building a safeguard around us. I know not what is 'us' and what is the safeguard ? I know only, that I am ready to be included in any "us" that promotes love, peace and tranquiility in my Earth. And I know that hatred and Revenge are my enemies. Even against people who are commiting these horrendous acts...

It is probably better to be animals. They are not tied up in chains of religion that takes away the ability of seeing your own species as your own.

Gurgaon.. My new Home

I am now officially settled in Gurgaon. It has been over 45 days now, and a lot has been seen and done in these days. My first impression of the city wasn't too good- and am still trying hard to like it. Gurgaon gives an impression of a talented, but unattended child. Pockets of developments are overshadowed by vast wastelands, and lack of public transport(!!) and sewer lines is just the starting...

But not all hope is lost. I see the creme de la creme of indian professional scene here. I see good schools. (My kids are going to Scottish High and D.P.S. - so far, so good. ) I also see some great fashion around. I see Huda working on roads and sewer lines. I see Metro coming up. But yet, the final feeling is of disappointment..

I've been to a number of shopping malls since shifting here. Gurgaon, afterall, is hailed as India's mall center. I also went to the Galleria ( a mid-sized open baazar) and sadar, the authentic old Gurgaon market. One, though , acutely feels the lack of town planning in every step. A good middle- class market, like Karol Bagh/Lajpat Nagar in Delhi or Jaynagar 4th Block/ Gandhinagar in Bangalore is completely absent. Good, inexpensive dining options are absent. I wonder if I need to explore some more.

Gurgaon feels like an example of imbalance between private aspirations and Government apathy. Posh, multistoreyed, luxury apartments overlook vast empty lands with stagnant water breeding Dengue mosquitoes. The ever prevelant gap between the haves and the have-nots seems much wider here. Or have I turned more observant??

Time Journal, and its' use.

Here is a classic 'Time journal' or a 'day log'. This journal is used to capture the lost titbits of time- The time that is lost in doing 'nothing'.

Instructions: Spend a faithful day with the Time Journal. Log in every detail religiously, but do not change your routine on that account. This simple excercise is extremely effective as a Time Management tool. It acts as a mirror, and shows us our pitfalls, and also the glory that can be achieved once the shortcomings are overcome.

Click to see the time Journal

You run like a Tiger!

You run like a tiger
On to my lap, so gay
This pants is small too, Ma,
Proudly you say.

Buy me new shoes too,
Says the twinkle in your eye
I’m growing up, you know Ma
I’ll soon be very high.

“tall”, I correct, channeling
My sadness into pride
Wish I could stop the time
Wish I could turn the tide.

Tolerating Intolerance

Let me share with you two very striking news stories I read lately.

The first one is concerning Road Rage. Road Rage is a well defined word, and wikipedia defines it as violent behavior by a driver of an automobile. As traffic situation worsens, we see more and more of these cases around us.

I also read about the increasing number of divorces in the new age India, specially among the young couples. Divorces are now more likely to happen in the first two years of marriage, and on much softer issues than ever before.

Both these phenomenons indicate towards a critical pattern in our society - Our lessening tolerance levels.

Are tolerance levels in our society going down? Are we, as a collective people, becoming more and more prone to short temperedness and explosive outbursts? I bet we are.

The examples are aplenty. All around me, I see working mothers on the edge of their patience, celebrities losing their temper at a whim, and world meets failing. The important question here is - Why?

I have often heard an old age adage - " To err is human , to forgive divine". It seems that we have forgotten forgiveness. Why?

I believe the reason lies in the fast track lifestyle changes we have made in the last century. The human race has seen more development in last 100 years than in thousands of years put together. This puts enormous pressure on us to catch up. More than that it affects our quality of life. Life probably seems easier today- what with all household appliances, faster means of transport and instant communications. But that is just an optical illusion. Life has become faster, and we are losing the sense of time. We forget that life is not a race, but a stroll, a walk through the years. It is definitely not a competition. The demands and schedules are so tight, it leaves no place for peace and patience. When parents have no time for their children, no gadget can replace the emptiness a child feels. No VCD can take place of a bedtime story in soothing mother's voice. Spending time leisurely is a basic human need, And as this need is not realized, the tempers rise, the tolerance falls.

I also want to bring to your attention a very different point here. Intolerance is not always wrong. Indeed, in many case

Intolerance breeds Development. India has been an extremely tolerant society historically, and in many ways, it is because of htis tolerance, that we have lagged behind the rest of the world in development. External powers have used our tolerance as our weakness. Take an example- You are sitting in a reserved coach of a train, and a man comes in without reservation. He smiles at you, and requests a place to sit. "Adjust, sir!"

He'll say, and we tolerate this rule-breaking as another part of life. May be we'll even feel proud of ourselves, helping a fellow citizen in his hour of need. MAy be we'll resolve to use this tactic next time ourselves. Intolerance, here, would have been definitely a better option.

This ofcourse, does not vaidates the aggresive nature of some. I daresay that a little love and patience would do our world much more good than humdred inventions put together.

It is a very sad realization, that out society is losing the very tolerance that has sustained it through the turbulent centuries. We need to ensure that we do not become part of this vicious circle. Just like anger, love and peace spreads too. Our tranquility will infuse tranquility in people around us.

The loss of GrandParents.

My daughter studies in Kindergarten. Recently they celebrated Grandparents' day there, when the students were asked to bring their grandparents to the classes. She came back thoroughly confused. "How can one have grandparents at their own home, Mom?" she asked me.
That is the state of our society today. Not just young kids, but many grown ups too, can't imagine a family apart from the nuclear one. This unprecedented spread of nuclear families has given rise to many issues- the prime being the disintegration of social structure. What are the reasons behind this, and is this phenomenon truly a disheartening one?
Changing social scenario has given rise to the current situation. More and more people are moving abroad, for studies, work, and life in general, leaving behind aging parents. Even People who live in the same city as their parents choose to live separately, mostly due to western influences. Joint family, as was known, is becoming more and more extinct.
Is it desirable or not? Can this be seen as completely black or white; or is it a grey area in the evolution of men? There are two very distinct schools of thought regarding this:

1. Many people believe that the disintegrating social order is nothing less than a shame to the humanity. Parents sacrifice all their lives and ambitions to bring up their children. They nurture and nourish a baby into a fully grown person. They sit through the kid’s sickness, examinations, and heart aches. And when these very parents grow old, and need a hand, all they receive is a cheque!! Children, who once grew around the epicenter of their parents, now regard them as an expense and nuisance. This surely indicates the lessening humanity of human kind. Many people would argue that this is effectively going back to being a savage animal!
2. However, someone else might use the same simile to insist that this is indeed what nature intended in the first place. Plants spread through pollination, and if seeds always stay near the parent plant, they would never gain their full growth and valor. Different people are different, and need different circumstances to perform their best. As we grow up, it is only natural for children to spread their wings, and look for an independent nest. Undue importance, some think, is attached to the social structure in the oriental world.
As you can see, the two schools have such contrasting ideas, that it is difficult, nay impossible, to arrive at a specific 'correct' answer. Indeed, there is no single correct answer. It is our duty, and privilege, to be able to care for people who brought us up. Nothing can survive a storm like a well-knit, close family. No one can provide the guidance and protection that experience does. But in the same breath, I must say that it is better to live alone than to live with an abusive family. It is better to be happy separately than to be miserable together. Old age homes still carry a huge stigma here in stigma, but are actually a great idea for senior citizens to bond with fellow citizens in surroundings that are conducive to their specific needs.
Meanwhile, I can only hope that my younger daughter understands the concept of grandparents better when we visit them these holidays.

kids

Resources to help you study, perform, enjoy and live better.

Planning for Examinations

The loss of grandParents

Time Management for Kids.

Harnessing the Personal Efficiency Wave

Immunizing your communications.

Can you afford to be modest?

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

Planning for Examinations

What a grueling time Examinations are! An Examination assesses not only a student’s intelligence, but also his memory retention, organizational skills, and pressure management techniques. More often than not, students who ace the tests are the ones who have a healthy balance of all these qualities. Considering how important the examinations can be, it is well worth getting some lessons for.
Like most things in life, your performance in the assessment tests is determined largely by the amount of preparation you have done. So the planning part should start right from the preparation. Pareto Principle, the ever-green ever-applicable one, says 20% of efforts yield 80% of the results. I would extend it to say that 20% of the syllabus generates 80% of the questions. The trick is to identify this 20% and master it. Master it thoroughly so that is no chance of missing an iota of the 80% of marks. Then go on to the rest of the syllabus. Keep ample time for revision of key concepts before the examination. This will keep these ‘key concepts’ fresh in your mind, and greatly aid your performance. Take enough rest and sleep the night before your exam so that you are in good shape for the big day.
Group studies never worked for me. I always ended up chatting away the time intended for studies, mainly because the effort required to cope up with the disparity in two peoples’ study levels was too much. If you are lucky enough to find a study mate who is at par with you, and is willing to share her insights truthfully, great!! Otherwise, one’s own company is good enough to help.
The floor of the examination hall is the place where your nerves are checked. Proper planning can do wonders here. I have seen students who frantically write away supplementary copies after copies even after the last bell has rung. I have also observed students who spend a leisurely hour at first few questions, only to realize that no time is left for the last ones. I have also met students, who, no matter what the subject is, will always have last 2 minutes free for a quick revision of the answer sheet. How do they do that?
They realize from the beginning that time allotted is limited. Instead of dividing the available time equally among all the questions, they give each question a time proportionate to its value. So a 20 mark essay question in literature will get substantially more time period than a 1 mark multiple choice question. Difficult questions are invariably attempted at the end, so that they don’t steal the time of other questions. And lastly, they always keep a reasonable time for revision , so that any silly mistakes or errors can be given attention to.
That really is all that is needed for a good result from the time management angle. And this technique is, luckily, not tough to master. If you are not one of those lucky people who are born with the innate talent of time organization, just practice the above tips with your practice papers at home, and soon you’ll find this taking over your natural style of chaos.

Essays

MY ESSAYS - ON WHATEVER CATCHES MY FANCY

Tolerating Intolerance

Harnessing the Personal Efficiency Wave

Immunizing your communications.

Can you afford to be modest?

The Cyclone Experience.

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

How to choose gifts for your beloved wife.

Time Management for Kids.

The natural resources - Sunshine, Air, Water and Time have been distributed equally to all. Time comes in quotas of a day- 24 hours exactly – for us all. Each one of us gets exactly the same time every day. Yet some of us seem to fit in so much in that time. In fact, our own efficiencies vary a lot from day to day. Some days, we are the achiever, and on some others, we seem to get nothing except idle away the hours. Have you noticed the almost superhuman surge in your abilities as exams approach? Imagine the kind of results you can get if you can harness the full potential of your every hour.

Time management is important for everyone, and more so for students. Why? One- because this is the time for you to form good habits. You make habits, and habits make your future. But more importantly, you should practice time management simply because you need it. Everyday is like a shopping cart - and it can hold only a limited number of activities. Be it School, Sports, TV, Games, Gossiping or Homework. The key to manage time efficiently is to plan and manage your activities. It is possible to put a lot in a standard shopping cart, only if the items are arranged properly. The same goes for your days, weeks and months too.
The benefits of effectively managing time from a young age are astounding! For the starters, you would perform better, forget less, and feel happier. That’s a lot, isn’t it? Precise planning will help you to ward off the fear of some unknown time-eating monster lurking in the darkness. You would be completely aware of what’s taking your time, and what needs you next. You will be the person in control. As you use your planner more and more, you would realize the absence of unwanted, last moment surprises. You will feel more relaxed and free. And as you enjoy this new found freedom that stems out of proper planning, you will also, unknowingly, eliminate many of your bad habits. A person who follows his planner religiously, can’t afford to procrastinate.
A good friend of mine, who studies in the high school, told me of a revealing terminology. She says that a grade ‘F’ doesn’t stands for Failure, but for Forgot!! Isn’t it time that the future stops forgetting!

Harnessing the Personal Efficiency Wave

I feel so alive in the mornings! Give me a breaking dawn with a cuppa Nescafe, the rest of the world asleep, a yawning sun, and birds rubbing their eyes anytime. This is the time when I am at my best, and usually work at efficiencies that amaze me!

And then, meet me after lunch- after a good, scrumptious lunch. You’ll probably not leave with any good impression. I’m not only lazy- but also wholly uninterested in the complete world, with the exception of a bed. I love the countries like Oman, which have made the afternoon siesta official. According to me, it is almost inhuman to work with satiated stomach and drooping eyes.

Have you experienced such ‘efficiency fluctuations’ too? Does your body cycle dictate, to some extent, your energy cycles as well? Your peak periods might be different from mine- but it is extremely common to have clearly defined periods of work efficiency and dullness.

A little effort can help you harness this natural cycle to your advantage.

I keep the most important of works for my mornings. Pareto principle says 20% of our efforts generate 80% of the impact. I guard my mornings fiercely – making sure that only the most deserving of works get that coveted slot. Mornings are my time to plan, to write and to brainstorm. Higher efficiency periods are precious. This is the time when you can deliver your best. Make sure you don’t fritter away this time in mundane stuff.

Mundane stuff demands a lesser amount of you. You can do these routine chores even when you are bored, tired, exhausted, or like me, full! I keep my ironing for such times. Recognizing the highs and lows of your personal efficiency wave is a very useful way to increase your competence levels.

Allocating work schedules, not just on the basis of priorities only, but also on the basis of your own, personal efficiency levels is an important tool in the pursuit of peak performance.

Immunizing your communications.

This is the information age, everybody tells me. This is the age of communications. This is the age where we have all exploded – the whole generation – from being a neighborhood fixture, to being a global citizen.

We speak to the world. And the world misunderstands!!

Most of us need to upgrade our skills here.

The right communication is not about being clear, concise and crisp anymore. It’s not enough that your message reaches its’ intended audience correctly. It is crucial, now more than ever, that the received message also carries the right intentions and emotions that it was originally sent with!

Why should that be a difficult task? Mainly because while listening, a typical person tends to add in his or her own perceptions, prejudices and feelings in the experience of deciphering the sender’s message. The message is unwittingly altered, often without any knowledge of the sender.

Liken it to a scenario where a soft dough ball is being passed among a number of people. Every time it changes hands – it changes shape. Someone squeezes it too hard, someone else stretches it, yet someone transfers the blue ink marks from his fingers to the ball. And everyone has added their own fingerprints to the ball.

We add our own ‘mind-prints’ to the communications we send and receive.

A successful communication is one where we make the message delivery and reception so robust, that it becomes immune to the environmental factors. We ‘vaccine’ the message, so that it doesn’t succumbs to the misunderstanding epidemic!! We build in so much information redundancy into the message, that it becomes difficult for even the noisiest environments to misinterpret the message.

Does it mean that instead of saying, “Will you do the dishes?”
We say,
“Honey, I love you. And while I’ll go to world’s end for you, would you mind taking care of the dishes for this one night, so that I can watch the meaningless football game on T.V. , and not feel guilty about it?”

Can you afford to be modest?

The world is changing. A host of moral values are under tight scrutiny. For example, is honesty really the best policy? Is being aggressive a liability or an asset today? And, how beneficial is it to be modest?
We grew up in an environment where we were taught to be modest. “I never praise my kids” my mother often said. “I leave that to others.” But in today’s cut-throat atmosphere, leaving praising to others can often be a risky business. Modest people find out, sooner or later, that self-promotion is increasingly becoming an important skill, both in professional and personal spaces. Sometimes it is just that modesty is mistaken as a mark of lack of success. Accomplishment asks for advertisement. Quiet achievements can be underestimated, or even overlooked in the world of shouting neon signs. The sad part is that talent and skills are often found in people who hate to blow their own horn. A lot of such talent goes unnoticed.
There is however, another side of the coin. In case of exemplary success, modesty comes across as a sign of high morals. I once met a man who described himself only as a teacher. It was later that I discovered that he was a very highly respected scientist, and a professor at an Ivy League college. I regard him with much respect now. Had he gone on boasting about himself during our meeting, I’m sure it would have been quite a put-off for me. Humility is in fact, often found in people who have achieved astounding amounts of success. Maybe we can deduce that these are the people who can afford to be modest.
Can you afford to be modest? This is a question most of us will have to answer for ourselves. And then there are other issues to be considered: What is the right amount of self-promotion? What are the right times and places to show off your achievements? An interview, say, is a hardly a place to be modest. On the other hand, how long can friends tolerate ones’ bragging, however justified it might be?
Image management is indeed becoming a forceful part of career management today. If you are humble by nature, you should make sure that someone else is doing the talking on your behalf. It might be your CV in an interview scenario, or a team member on a joint sales call. Certificates, Medals, Cups are symbols of achievements that speak for you. They should always be placed prominently in a setting that is designed to impress. For today, Modesty has become a luxury that only the truly successful can enjoy.

The Cyclone Experience.

The cyclone GONU has just passed off Oman, and now things are limping back to normalcy. It was an experience of a lifetime , and I’ll be sharing that with you now.
The first time we heard about the approaching cyclone, we thought it was a rumour. But soon, all government channels were talking about it. For the first time ever, a cyclonic storm was about to hit the gulf peninsula. The highest state of emergency was declared, offices closed early on tuesday, 4 day holiday announced. We thought its going to be a nice long holiday coupled with some good weather. What a break from muscat’s hot hot hot days with soaring mercury. The temperatures were touching 44 degrees already, so a change was welcome…
But the sense of urgency in govt channels was palpable. The Police, military and royal guards were out on streets. Supermarkets saw huge queues, and bread, water and torches were selling like hotcakes. We stocked up too.
Not much happened on Tuesday. Wednesday morning the drizzle started. Winds picked up speed. Rain seemed to increase in intensity every half an hour. Soon we could see the wadis ( dry river beds) overflowing, water gushing through them at fast speed. At around 11 a.m., Navin and Siddharth went down to “check out” the rain. The winds were so furious, that they had to abort the mission. It was hard to control oneself, and was dangerous. Navin actually felt like they could have flown away!! Only later we found out the people and vehicles and other stuff actually flew away.
Soon there was water entering the city from all the mountains as well. A few landslides happened. The roads were submerged, and we could see a few 4WDs trying to negotiate the roads. Some succeded, some got stuck, some returned. Some, we were told, were swept away with the fast currents.
Electricity was disconnected at around 5 pm as our building transformer itself submerged under water. We spent time taking ‘najaaraa’ from the balcony, playing ringa ringa roses with ginni, and remembering the Bangalore weather.
The cyclone passed off at around 4 am. By Thursday morning, the rains stopped, the sky cleared, the sun shone as if nothing had happened. We decided to go take a look at the city, and saw some of the most heart-wrenching scenes of my life.
We saw all trees uprooted. Street lamps fallen, walls broken, cars overturned, smashed against walls or ‘parked’ in strange places by water. We saw roads broken as if someone hammered them, road near the beach completely washed away.. We saw a yellow sea. We saw foot high mud on parked cars and shops.. We came back home realizing how lucky we were to be safe..
Later, about 60 casualties were reported. Water gushed inside many a peoples home, leaving plenty homeless. The water supply is badly affected as the local de-salination plant is hugely hit. We can’t go to our closest store, because road towards that side is broken. The devastation is mind-boggling. One can only be thankful, that Gonu had considerably weakened from category 5 hurricane to just a category 2/3 ish , and than too, Muscat was hit only by a part of it. If the full force cyclone had arrived here fully, the city would have resembled a trash can!!
The amazing part is the authorities response. As soon as the cyclone passed, the police and military started rescue and corrective work on war footing. The uprooted tress we saw on Thursday morning were whisked away by the afternoon!! Huge tankers were deployed to suck the water from roads and offload it in the wadis. The traffic was promptly diverted away from the broken roads, and detours identified.
It will take long to restore the city to its original beauty and glory, The after effects of Gonu would stay for atleast a year. What strikes as outstanding is the promptness and agility with which the government agencies have sprung to action!! And we have a memory we’ll remember for ever.

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.

Among numerous unique gifts that God has given to the human beings, the most outstanding one is the diverse range of emotions that we possess. We human beings are the only species capable of complex feelings like respect, jealousy, worry, intolerance, love etc. The most worrisome among these, is worry itself!
We all worry every now and then about different issues, and that’s normal. But for some people, worrying is a habit. They get tense, and stay so over the most trivial matters. They fret over probable circumstances that they can’t control. Like the rest of us, they do worry about today and tomorrow, but they also worry about ten years past and hence…
Some of these people are actually very useful for humanity in general. It can be argued that we need people who care about ambient temperature of earth 75 years hence to tackle global warming. Scientists devote their whole lives developing seedless watermelons! Environmentalists worry about seemingly insignificant stuff like messy Mt. Everest. Indeed, if everybody cared about degeneration of plastic bags, Earth would have been a much cleaner place.
But problem arises when the worrying habit penetrates into ones personal life and becomes a part of his very personality. Such a person almost searches for some bad news even when blessed with good ones, and more often than not, he finds it too! He’ll worry about increased responsibilities if promoted, about his baby’s health if she as much as sneezes, about summers when spring comes! The quality of life for people like these, and their near and dear ones, deteriorates significantly due to constant worrying. This is a habit, which therefore, should be broken as soon as realized.
There is a treasure of self-help books that promise to make one less worrisome, and more contend. They are filled with advices and techniques that are claimed to be guaranteed to work. The problem though, is not that solution doesn’t exist. The real problem is that most people simply fail to recognize the problem. They look at constant worrying as a way of life, or as a way to express their concern about their close ones. But once you realize the damage that excessive worrying does to you and your family, and the opportunities of living life to the fullest that are lost out due to the weight of your worries, you would sure like to lose this tendency itself. And once that resolution is in place, once you are determined to work towards a happier and lighter life, the advices and techniques and gurus will all fit in their place, and life will take on the beautiful colours it was always supposed to have!! Hakuna Matata!!

How to choose gifts for your beloved wife.

Some ideas to make Gift giving simpler for the male species:

NEVER GIFT:
a. what she needs : needs are to be fulfilled. It's a husband's duty. This can not take place of a gift.
b. what the house needs : buy it by all means - the TV, the car, the lamp, the oven. A flower vase. your house will look good. But not in disguise of a gift for your beloved! She deserves something for herself.
c. where personal choice/size matters: like cosmetics and footwear.

CLASSIC GIFTS:
a. What she likes: A hobby set: a canvas, complete with easel and brushes, a special copy with an equally special pen, a musical collection.
b. What she want, but won't buy otherwise: Something that is "not worth the price." She won't buy it for herself- but you can!
c. Dress, Jewelery, Handbags : can never be enough for a woman.
d. Feelings: expressing them comes for free, but would mean the world for her. A card, that says what you truly feel for her or better still, a love letter.
e. Fulfill a need she isn't even aware of .

HOW TO GIFT:
a. Buy it yourself. Don't ask her to do even this by herself. Gifting is a tender gesture, not a chore. Let it be a surprise.
b. Gift Wrap it . And add something persnal to the wrap - a favorite poem, some special lines, a red rose...

Parents

Parenting is a tough job!! Find your way through this life long maze with the help of these pointers ->

You run like a Tiger - short poem

A for Apples, T for Tantrums

Communicating with kids

Feeding Nourishment to your preschooler

Feeding your baby in the first year

Feeding your Toddler

Good Night, Sweet Dreams.

Guide to Easy Parenting

Helping your Unpopular Child

How Important are the Preschool Years.

How to celebrate Holi with Kids.

Choose the right book for your child

Hot Sites for children

Is your child allergic to milk?

Make Travel Fun, for your little One.

Must Knows for your Child.

Outdoors is a great teacher.

Parents are People too!

Sharing and Young children

Stay at home Mom - the perks and perils.

A for Apples, T for Tantrums

Each and Every Parent goes through a period of tantrum handling. (In fact , my 20 month old daughter is lying on ground right besides my chair right now, throwing a tantrum, demanding that I hand the computer over to her immediately). Each and every child throws a tantrum once in a while. It’s a natural way of communicating extreme feelings for kids, who have not developed adequate speech skills yet! However natural it might be, it still manages to throw parents out of gear, and the feelings range from desperation to ashamedness and anger. It’s takes a big heart and some knowledge of tantrums to handle the situation correctly. As any parent would vouch for, children throw tantrum when you most want them to be well behaved. In a shop grocery shopping, in a fine dining restaurant or when you have an important phone call to attend to. They instinctively seem to realize that mom/dad is not completely available to me at this point of time, and immediately demands that attention!! While shopping, kids often act up asking for one, or one hundred different candies or toys or so on. In fact, if observed carefully, we find that tantrums come mostly when the child is tired, exhausted , hungry , sleepy, bored, or even over-stimulated. It is just that these little adults are trying to exercise their power of choice, which they don’t have. It is a frustrating , confusing world for them, a world where mom and dad impose their will on him all the time. He wants to be an unique individual in his own right, and the process is more difficult for him than it is for you. Be sympathetic. Be sympathetic. Easier said than done, of course. However there are a few dos and don’ts that can help you sail through ‘quietly’ through this turbulent period :
Precaution is better than cure . Try stopping a tantrum before it starts. Keep in mind the limits of your child while planning a day out. Keep in mind that he might be tired after a movie, and going grocery shopping then is like sending an invitation to the tantrums. In a shop, if their demand is reasonable and not outrageous, maybe it can be accepted.
When the tantrums do start, as they invariably will at times, remember that it is not a time to loose your cool. Be calm. Let the child go through it safely. If you, an adult, are not able to control your emotions, can you expect more from your kid ?
Do not worry about onlookers. Those who have kids would understand, Those who don’t, will understand later when they do have one. Remember, kids with a tantrum are not bad, they are just ‘over-worked’. They deserve firm love, not another scolding.
Do not give in to their demand. Your response would determine future frequency of the tantrums. Do not make tantrums a rewarding experience for them. The difference between a boy who keeps asking for gratifications to a mall (I want this, and that , and thaaaaat) and a boy who calmly goes through it, is whether their parents gave in to their tantrums when the boys were 2 years old, or not)
Voice what the child is going through, and what he wants. “Oh!! You’re so upset, because you want that Barbie, aren’t you??” It helps them in two ways: One, they know that the parents understands their demand and feelings, and secondly, they learn to put feelings in words for the next time.
Give moderate amount of choice. So don’t say: “What do you want for dinner?” (for your own sake!) but “ Do you want parantha or rice today?”
Kids eventually grow out of tantrums, as they develop better strategies to get stuff out of their parents. (Yeah! That’s true, it never stops!!) So just take it as another developmental milestone and do not attach extra importance to it.

Communicating with kids

I never thought communicating with kids can be an issue. I never thought I would read, learn or write about how to talk to children. It is almost like teaching how to breathe or eat! (Now a days, there are a lot of books on those too!). I thought that the fact that every parent wants to rear their child in the best possible way, that all parents love their child as much as they can, is enough to have a loving, caring and nurturing relationship. So, It was with a lot of skepticism and doubt that I started reading “How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. I changed my opinion soon after starting the book. After going through more material on the same subject, and looking around with new knowledge in me, I have understood that our age old parenting skills (that we inherited from our parents, and they from theirs..!) are simply not appropriate for the new-age parenting. The era today demands parents to be more of ‘friends’ than ‘parents’ and proper communicating techniques can help us achieve that friendship with our kin.
So, should we think about how, what and when should we talk to our kids? You would answer ‘Yes’ if you would listen to yourself yelling, shouting, repeating, judging and scolding your child on a typical day. Sometimes the old way of parenting does so much damage to the relationship that all lines of communication break between a parent and a child. It is especially painful, when you consider that no other relationship can be as genuinely full of love as a parent-child relationship can be. I once met a pre-teen girl, who was so angry with her mom, she would turn a deaf ear every time her mother spoke. She was convinced that her mother actually hated her. The mother, on the other hand, was so proud of this girl, and always wanted to spend more time with her. This kind of misunderstanding builds up slowly, over a long period of time, and is fed mostly by a parent’s damaging conversations with kids.
Knowingly or unknowingly , we all eventually become a little bit like our own parents. We carry the old methods they used with us, and we use the same ways on our kids. The changes that have come with the new-age information are few and awkward. For example, most educated parents now don’t spank their children, at least not as freely and often as their own parents did. The spanking has however, been replaced by time-outs, and derogatory and damaging scolding, which does nothing to address the root cause of an undesirable behavior. The parent-child relationship is becoming more friendly and open day by day, and is a great positive change. If we start seeing our children as friends for life, we would never dare say most of the things that we say to them today. Take a few examples: Monologues that would send any friend to sleep, Accusations that would break the strongest of friendships, and expectations that are too unreal to be met in the real world. Yet, we do it all with our kids, still secretly considering them as dependent , small babies, maybe hoping that our support(?) will make them attached to us for a little longer!
How to go about this makeover, to ensure that a healthy relationship grows between you and your children ? Well, to start with, make an honest assessment of yourself and your partner as parents, from the child’s view. Think about what kind of a family environment are you providing your young ones to grow in? Then, answer a key question : what is the aim of your parenting ? What results do you want from the time and effort you put in this relationship? In general, the aim of parenting is to develop the kids into self-sufficient adults who can foray into the world with a rare confidence that good parenting brings.
I would not go into details of how to improve your relationship with your child here. But, if you have the problem singled out , and are ready to work on it, then half the battle is already won for sure. Have no doubt, your kid loves you and respects you, but as always, he also need you to show him how to go about building a perfect mature parent-child relationship.

Feeding Nourishment to your preschooler

Feeding a child more than 2 years old is more like a struggle than anything else. These little ones have a mind of their own, and there is not much way to get around it. Add to it the dilemma of keeping something new and interesting in Tiffin box everyday , providing a balanced diet to the rapidly growing body and brains, and you have the saga of every mother in your hands!! There are a few key things to remember. Firstly, make it a cardinal rule that junk would not be allowed inside the home. Do not buy and keep chips, candies, cold drinks etc in home. If you must keep them for your own use, please keep them out of children’s view. This would help you in two ways: one, kids would not have access to harmful food, and it will therefore immediately save you from a bad habit formation. Two, whenever you go out and decide to let the kids have some fun with junk, they’ll be so happy and thankful, that it would be very easy to manage them.Second important thing that every parent aims for is a balanced diet. However, it is extremely difficult, if not impractical, to provide a balanced diet in each and every meal. The focus should rather be on providing a wholesome meal over a full week. So, if your kids had pizza one day, make it up with a protein full of lentil soup the next day. Make sure that they are having enough of all essential ingredients- carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins, minerals, fats, and yes- water. I do not advocate calorie counts for young kids. They are growing up; and need enough calories for a typical action filled day. If you sensibly censor the junk-intake, and provide the child with a variety of healthy choice naturally, the kid will grow up with healthy food habits for sure. One mistake parents often do is to divide food into “may have” and “should have” parts. “You may have candies later but you should have your veggies first” or “You’ll get dessert only of you finish the cabbage; it’s good for you!” What the child really hears is : “Eat the vegetables and cabbage; it is not tasty, you would not eat it yourself, so I’m bribing/pushing you for it.” If the parent will treat nutritious healthful food as normal daily routine, so will the child. Even nutrition conscious parents often miss out on the importance of proteins. Kids meal is generally full of starch and carbohydrates, and lacks in proteins. For example, if your child has Bread and jam or butter in breakfast and roti-sabji in the lunch, he is not getting any protein at all. Protein comes from dal, pulses, milk , milk products, egg , fish, chicken , meat and nuts. So , in the above example, we must add milk in the breakfast and dal in the lunch to make it a balanced meal. The problem increases manifold when this nutrition has to be packed in a small container, to be opened after a few hours and still has to look attractive enough for the kid to eat all by herself. When your kid starts preschool, keep the initial lunch-box limited to his favorite finger foods that won’t get him messy. Only after he is firmly rooted into eating himself nicely in a preschool environment, you should start experimenting with the tiffin. Try to keep the contents visually appealing. For example, a cheese sandwich can be cut in interesting shapes using a standard cookie cutter. Paranthas should be stuffed to avoid keeping separate accompaniment with them, and are ideally kept as rolls for ease of eating. Instead of keeping regular idlis, you can keep small cocktail idlis that kids would so love. Infact, a friend of mine mixes vermilion, beetroot juice or spinach puree to the idli batter, and makes idlis that are naturally colorful, and nutritionally enhanced. Such minor changes go a long way in catching children’s imagination.And remember, whenever you get tired, bored or stressed out keeping tabs on the food of your kids, you can always hand them a packet of Lays, and relax with the knowledge that this break is a very well deserved one for both of you!

Feeding your baby in the first year

One thing that baffles most young parents is feeding their child. How much is little? How much is enough? What is normal and what is not? What is ideal ? We explore food and feeding in these series of articles designed according to the age of your child. Here, we discuss the feeding patterns and requirements of babies 0 to 12 months old. The first few days after birth
It is a well-established fact that the best thing for a new-born baby is mother’s milk. Science simply can’t compete with nature here. However, misunderstandings and lack of knowledge, sadly, lead many first-time mothers to believe that their milk is inadequate in either quality or quantity. They, therefore start formula milk, depriving the baby of the innumerable benefits that breast milk offers. It is absolutely essential that an expecting mother reads and learns about breastfeeding, to avoid such a thing happening to her.
The first instances of milk that a mother produces is called colostrum. Colostrum is a thick, yellow-orange milk like liquid that is divinely good for the new-born baby. It is low in fat, and high in carbohydrates, protein, and antibodies. It is also very easy to digest, and has a laxative effect. All this increases your baby’s immunity and eases his transition from the womb to the world. Colostrum is produced very little – a few spoons at maximum. This makes new mothers worry, and they introduce supplementary milk to compensate. What they should know is that colostrum is so concentrated in nutrients that even its few drops will give your baby what he needs for his first few days.
The first few weeks
The production of breast-milk is a classic case of demand and supply. The more a baby sucks, the more milk is produced by the mother’s body. If you introduce external food during this time, the baby would suck less at mother due to less hunger. This would result in less production of breast milk. The baby would soon be hungry and irritable, and would need to be soothed by a bottle. This vicious cycle, once started, is very difficult to break. External milk is difficult to digest, low in nutrients and prone to contamination due to usage of bottles etc. If you do feel that your milk supply is insufficient to support the baby, try feeding her at shorter intervals to stimulate the production, and augment your own food and liquid intake. One more important thing that expectant mothers should learn before delivery is that even though breast-feeding is the most natural and fulfilling way to feed your new arrival, it helps if you learn the technique. The milk glands are located in the muscles of the breast and not in the nipple. Which is why the baby must suck the whole areola and not just the nipple. It is vital to ensure this, to avoid baby cutting on the nipple and hurting it.
The next two months
In most cases, the feeding pattern is now set and the mother-baby duo are now comfortable with the feeds. This is the right time to introduce a bottle if you intend to shift the baby to the bottle after a few months any how. The baby’s mind is not so made up at this stage as it would be at age 1 year or so, and starting the bottle then to wean from the breast would be a very difficult task. Working mothers should also wait at least 2 months to start bottle, so that breast feeding is well established and is not disrupted by a bottle or two a day. A bottle a day would help you tremendously when you want to avoid breast feeding, like in a public place or if you want a 2 hour break from the house for a parlor visit, your partner can take over peacefully, with the knowledge that a bottle can be used if needed in your absence.
Introducing Solids
While 4 months was considered an appropriate age to start solids earlier, now experts have revised it to 6 months of age. Remember, there is absolutely no hurry to start solids. Let the delicate tummy of your angel develop enough to withstand solids. When you do start, start with simple, easily digestible fruits, vegetable or cereals. Start with one at a time, and do not introduce new tastes and textures too soon. One new introduction a week is reasonable. While this gives the baby time to adjust to new tastes, it also gives you opportunity to see if a new food is unsuitable or irritable for your little one. Apart from commercially available cereals, consider mashed carrots, beans, daal etc. Do not go to combination food for the first few months. After the baby turns 10 months old or so, you can start combination solids-like idli, khichdi, mixed vegetables etc. Do NOT give
Hard foods that can cause choking if swallowed whole are an absolute no till age 3 years. Some examples are : hot dogs, raw carrots, peanuts, whole grapes, popcorn, and round candies. Use your common sense and err on the safer side when in doubt.
Very soon, your baby would reach a stage when she’ll like to eat everything herself, and in the process, spill everything too. My advice at this stage would be – be patient, let the baby be – she’s only learning to use a spoon, and invest in lots of bibs and a large plastic mat. You are going to need them a lot in the second year, as we’ll see in the following article of the series.

Feeding your Toddler

Congratulations! You have survived the first year of parenting. Your baby is now developing into a personality of his own, with his own preferences, choices and decisions. This will be seen in all his actions, and indeed, in his food habits too. Actually, feeding a 12 to 24 month old baby is quite easy, since they can take pretty much everything now. (Except the dangerous foods catalogued in the preceding article) However, this is the time when food habits develop and become ingrained, and so, this is that golden window of opportunity which will set you free from being a roaming feeding robot or from sitting in front of TV watching cartoons and feeding a 5 year old child three years from now. If you want to inculcate good eating habits in your child, now is the time to start. Now is also the time to stop – bottle feeding. This is typically the age when most mothers wean their child from breast or bottle, and shift her to cup. We shall tackle all these issues one by one. Weaning
Before you embark on the emotionally difficult and tiring journey of weaning, ensure that your child is taking milk only as a supplement to her main diet of solids and juices. Ideally a 1 year old child should be given milk not more than thrice a day. Bring many attractive cups to catch her imagination. Better still, let her choose one. Do not force the issue immediately, lest the child rebel. Introduce the cup slowly, as a friend of the bottle, gently but firmly. Remember- there is no looking back after this. If you give in to the cries of baby for a bottle/breast , you’ll be stuck in weaning-tried-failed-restarted-failed again trap for too long. It will take maximum one week for the baby to get used to the cup, and she’ll forget the bottle/breast totally in another month. Kids adjust so much more better than us adults!! Have faith in them. The only thing you must ensure, as I said earlier, is that your child has a set routine of solids and juices before you start weaning him, so that he does not face starvation in that critical one week period of weaning. Appe Se
1-2 years of age is a period of what I fondly call “Appe se”. Both my kids (and indeed all kids I know ) want to become totally independent at this age: want to dress, eat, play, even cook themselves. “Appe se” was the word my kids used to express that they want to do things themselves ; it was a kiddish version of the Hindi phrase “ apne aap se karna hai.” So when my son started crying “appe se” on seeing a bowl of cereal, I knew I’m in for a long haul of cleaning up!
This, if seen from another angle, is a golden time for parents. If handled correctly, kids take over completely at this age, happy to be independent and ‘big’, and it relieves the parents the responsibility of feeding them for years to come. Of course it comes with the responsibility of cleaning up the house, floor , chair and the baby after the meal is done, but that is going to last only for a short time. Keep a few rules in mind though: While your baby is still mastering the use of her hands and spoon and fork, you can use another spoon to feed her . This way, she won’t get frustrated at her inability to eat food when hunger presses.
Sooner than you’d expect , she’ll master the technique of eating herself, and barring a few spills, will start eating a sizeable amount of meal herself. Now, this is your clue to fade in the background. Let her eat her meal herself- totally. Do not insist that she finishes everything. Or do not feed her less preferred meals, or more of the regular food yourself after she’s done. Respect her decisions. If you continue feeding her even after she is able to do so herself, she’ll soon realize that it is much easier to let mom do the hard work, and will retire from the burden of eating herself. This will also mean that she’ll have her hands and mind free for games while you feed her, and will make her more distracted during meal-times. In essence, your help will backfire into more and more difficult meal times as your child grows. By the age of 18-20 months, your baby should be eating all her meals herself.
This will also help as your angel starts school next year, and will be required to eat herself from the tiffin box.
Balanced Diet
What’s that! Do not fret a lot over eating choices. As long as your son eats a selection of fruits and vegetables, it’s okay if he dislikes some others. Do not force them on him. The choices at this age are quite flexible, and he may like eggplant later if he doesn’t like it now. If you insist on him eating everything, it will only solidify his dislike against eggplant. Of course eating all the veggies is a great habit, but then there’s plenty of time to do that. As long as you control the intake of junk food- noodles, candies, chocolates, soft drinks, chips etc. in your home, your child will create an overall balanced diet from his own choices. Limit the junk food to occasional treats, and your job is done!
School is around the corner. As your baby completes her second year, she’s graduated from toddler-hood to being a preschooler. Most kids would start some sort of play-school in the third year, and that presents parents with more nutrition dilemma. We’ll deal with that in our next article.

Good Night, Sweet Dreams.

Those who haven’t had babies to look after may not understand a mother complaining about her child’s sleeping habits. But the rest of us know how difficult it can get with a baby who just won’t sleep at night, a toddler who still wakes up five times a night, and a preschooler who won’t sleep in his own room because of the blue monsters.
Every age and stage brings with it a unique set of sleep problems, and it may be four to five years after you deliver the baby that you can count on getting a complete undisturbed eight hours of sleep. However, it is exactly the time most couples go for baby no. 2, and that means another round of sleepless nights . It is, therefore, of paramount importance that you instill good sleeping habits in your baby as soon as you can, so that both the baby and you are rested and ready for a fresh day of feeding and changing, plays and giggles. First of all, it is important for parents to understand that sleeping off is not an easy task for a baby. It is not a natural instinct like sucking or breathing that come pre-programmed with birth. Of course, it is a natural need, but it still is a skill that needs to be taught to the baby. Sleeping peacefully requires a lot of trust, and the infant has to believe that world will still be okay once he wakes up. Mom and Dad won’t disappear like the cute rattle that he lost a moment back. (Okay, It’s still under the blanket, but what does a baby know?). The fist couple of months outside the womb are used up just to get accustomed to the hostile environment called world. So a newborn baby pretty much just eats, poops, and sleeps. I sometimes think these are the most relaxed period of parenthood. But once your little baby turns two months old, it is time to start her training in good sleeping habits. Start with searching for your and your partners preferences’ about baby’s night time. Would you like her to co-sleep? Will you prefer her in a separate bed in your own room. Will you want her to sleep in her own room by herself ? Think of these with a long term perspective : Cuddling and rocking your angel to sleep one night may feel heavenly, but doing it 365 night in a row is another matter. Consider also, your and your partners energy levels, need of privacy and togetherness, and your baby’s own preferences. Whatever you two decide, now is the right time to implement it. At such a tender age, your baby would learn whatever you teach her, and a less involved kind of parenting is the best long term way for both the parent and the child. It might take a week or two of training, but consider the enormous benefits. If you spend 30 to 45 minutes everyday carrying, cuddling and cajoling her to sleep, imagine the amount of time and energy you would save if she learns to sleep by herself!Carefully monitor your child through out the day for his sleep patterns. As soon as his energy levels dip and he starts feeling drowsy, put him in for sleep to his crib or bed. Stay there, console him if he cries, pat him, even carry him back if he is very upset. But as soon as he is drowsy again, put him back to bed. Avoid rocking him to sleep. After a few difficult sessions, the baby would soon get the idea that crib or bed is for sleeping. It is amazing how fast these little ones adapt, only if we grown-ups would let them!!If you have already missed this window of opportunity, and your child has now established a different, and difficult sleeping behavior, you might still have troubles, like the ones enumerated in the beginning. But we shall discuss those in a different article. You must, never, underestimate the importance of sleep : A good night’s sleep is absolutely essential for the baby, but more so for the caregiver, because a day waits just beyond the night, and so much needs to be done…

Guide to Easy Parenting

First time Parents often wish bringing up kids was easier. Well, here’s good news: It is!! And it always has been; given the right attitude. Nobody knows it better than the old school. The new breed of parents has taken their task so seriously, that it has taken away all the fun from it. Here are top ten tips for your makeover from an idealistic, stressed out parent to being a fun friend for your child.
Kids are precious; but we don’t put them in lockers. You can’t safeguard every fall. Keep your worries realistic.
Don’t take parenting too seriously. It is a life long relationship with your children, it has to be some fun too. He doesn’t have to have a fixed daily calorie intake to be healthy.
Every rule has exceptions. Except rule no. 3. If you really need a break, it’s okay to find a less than ideal babysitter in Television, hot water bathtub, or a packet of chips!
Rewards and Incentives are your best friends. They are better than even diamonds.
Loosen up your housekeeping. Do not expect your glass center table to be shining all the time when your three-year-old doll likes to play with play-dough there.
In stress situations, give them concrete idea of time, count from 1 to 10 before blowing it out. Instead of saying, “Keep it back” ten times, try “If you do not keep that bowl back till I finish my counting till ten, you’ll get a timeout.
You can not guarantee the success or character of your children, parents are just one important factor in it. We have to accept things we can’t change. If your girl is shy and introvert, stop pushing her to be the star of the class. Less than champion children are not just okay, but great, sometimes even better. Don’t fret over little stuff like mastering nursery rhymes. Don’t burn them out. Your kids would be nearly as perfect as you yourself are.
Don’t measure your success by theirs. It will, undoubtedly, bring you a lot of pride, but your success as a person is not solely dependent on your success as a parent. For that matter, If a child is successful in the material world, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a parent has been successful in parenting.
Do not be available always. Set limits. Act yourself as an adult and treat them as a kid. Kids today are very smart and understand quickly the extent to which they can use their parents. While loving, cherishing and taking care of the kids is a beautiful work to do, set aside strict limits for you. Do not sacrifice everything you loved to do for the sake of your child.
Prioritize what values do you believe is a must in your child. Concentrate on them and live with the other natural personality traits of your child. A child is a lovely gift, love and cherish it, trying to improve him all the time is simply spoiling the natural beauty of this gift.

Helping your Unpopular Child

If your child is unpopular among his peers, you’ll know how painful it is to witness the apple of your eye being brushed aside for more ‘liked’ children. It is even more difficult and frustrating to try helping them. Why is it that some children are very popular in their peer group and seem to have dozens of friends, and some kids just don’t seem to get along with even one ? What can parents do to help a disliked child? We explore these issues in this article.
It is important to find out what causes unpopularity among young children , and what are the criteria kids use to accept or reject a new child in their group. Firstly, The key differentiating point appears to be the communication skills. A well-liked child is not just good at expressing his own feelings, but is also good at reading and responding to others’ feelings. In contrast, an unpopular child might not be able to recognize his playmates feelings. For example, four year old Mohit likes rough play with his father, and so plays the same with Suchi. It is difficult for Mohit to understand that Suchi hates his rough play, and actually avoids playing with him because of it.
Secondly, Disliked children also exhibit more unpleasant behavior, typically aggression. This might stem from their inability to put their feelings in words. Kids, like us, don’t like aggression, and would avoid a child who is likely to hurt them in some way.
Lastly, popular children are good at creatively arriving at alternate play strategies when they are rejected. They suggest other games, or variations in existing games to suit a particular environment or people. Consider this scenario: A group of 5-6 year old kids were playing house, and Mohit wanted to join them. However, he was instantly rejected, as the kids did not need another ‘family member’. Mohit was angry , and responded by disrupting their game. Rohit, on other hand, was more adaptive. When he too was rejected as a family member, he suggested he could be a ghost and circle round the house. This sounded like fun to the other kids, as it did not alter their original game, added more spunk, and went with their requirement of ‘no more family members’. Adjusting oneself according to potential playmates goes a long way in boosting a child's popularity.
It seems some kids indeed have all these characteristics ingrained and are popular without effort. What to do if your child is not one of them. While you may not be able to alter your kid’s popularity index overnight to a rock star’s , there is still a plenty that can be done. Remember, it is a child's need to be liked and loved, and when he is not liked, it is not only irritating, but also very painful for him. I’m giving a few pointers, based on which every caretaker can create a unique list to to-dos according to the child concerned.
1. Enhance his Social Skills A good way to make your child better at expressing himself is to schedule some play-time with a younger child. A younger child will be less verbal than him, and the opportunity to be the big one in play would boost the child's self confidence. His communication would improve as he dictates, teaches and explains to a younger kid. You could also point out his playmates feelings when the child is unable to recognize them. “See Manu’s face. Do you think he likes to be carried like this. Do you think he is enjoying the ride on the play-duck? Is he happy or scared. How can we re-assure him?” and so on.
2. Teach Conflict Resolution A lot of aggression comes from not being able to deal with a crisis situation. Teaching alternate ways to vent anger, and voice emotions will go a long way to subside a child’s violent behavior. Parents behavior at home is the best teacher for this. If parents minimize the use of physical punishment and instead insist on positive reinforcement of values, it is very possible that the same would echo in their kids.
3. Play with him Like His FriendInstead of letting your ‘raju’ win all the time, or letting him choose the color of his coin, play with him as an equal would. It would give him a hands-on training of conflict resolution.
4. Work on his ReputationWhen a kid is classified as a ‘bad boy’ in his group, his positive behavior is also seen in a negative light. Then just changing his actions will not be enough. It will be important for a parent to intervene in the group, point out the kids changed behavior, and guide other kids to be good and friendly towards their “new and improved” friend.
5. Sort it out yourself A word of caution. Mothers rushing to ‘protect’ their child when an accidental push caught him off-guard is setting a wrong precedent. Also, when children play and fight with other kids, they learn important lessons in acceptable social behavior. They will sort out their issues , maybe in a better way, themselves.
6. Your Attitude MattersChildren are keen observers. If Varun rejects your childs’ playing request for no apparent reason , do not comment “Varun was really mean and bad bay today”. Instead you could say , “Uhoh, Varun doesn’t want to play with you today, maybe he is tired .” If your child is not heartbroken on every rejection, it is highly possible that he would approach more playmates, and have more success eventually.
What not to do is often equally, if not more, important as what to do. If your child is indeed an unpopular child at play, there are a few things you might like to avoid doing.
1. You should not scold him excessively for his antisocial activities. It is tempting to think that if your kid stops pushing, peers would start liking him. While that might be true, scolding or spanking will not make him stop his aggressive habits. Lead by example and be gentle yourself. Kids love their parents attention, positive or negative. Be especially careful not to make statements as- “ No wonder you have no friends, who’d like to play with a hitting child?” or “Neha doesn’t want to play with you because you throw sand on her. Even I don’t want to play with you.” This would immediately affect in a lowered self esteem. Remember, a low self-confidence for life would harm your child much more than a few less friends.
As discussed earlier, even if your child does turn agreeable , his peer group might not immediately respond positively to it. While kind redirection might help, do not pressurize them to play with him or to be good to him. They may resent your authority, and it might lead to added isolation of your child, specially when you are not around to supervise.
Do not, in desperation, cut your child’s social time completely. Kids learn by making social mistakes, and then stand corrected by help of their friends. If you’ll take away these precious learning moments, he might loose an opportunity to develop the skills needed in later life to make and maintain sustained relationships with other people.
Popularity and Friendships are no doubt very important. But let me emphasize that kids are all miracles, and should be appreciated, cherished and loved as much as one can, whether they are popular or not. Growing up is a tough process, tougher than we realize, and they need us a lot.

How Important are the Preschool Years.

It is an established fact now that the first five years of a child’s life are the most important ones. It is the time when his personality and intelligence level are determined. The child’s brain is a lot more active and alert than an adults is, forever grasping new skills, language and methods. Recent Brain research shows that an infant is born with over 100 billion neurons. These neurons last us a lifetime, since no more neurons are created later. During the early life, the neurons form ‘connections’ which is basically the wiring of the brain. This wiring determines the maximum potential of an adult individual. The number of these ‘connections’, or synapses, can vary as much as 25% depending on the early experiences a child goes through. This is also known as ‘use it or lose it’ principle of the brain. That is, the more your child uses the brain to understand and grasp new experiences, more neurons would be used to make the pathways of intelligence. The rest of the neurons are lost forever. It is therefore, important , that parents and teachers recognize the critical importance of these years and stimulate the child accordingly. Stimulation, however, does not means incessant bombardment of random information on the child, which is invariably done in the later years. So, don’t assume that a 4 year old who knows the capitals and flags of all countries is necessarily a future genius. Stimulation, at this stage, means exposing your child to different environments, letting him be, and answering his questions in all honesty and detail. He’ll pick up more this way than through a parental monologue. So, You tell him that while monsters don’t really exist, aliens might, and dinosaurs did. He’ll understand as much as he needs to. Do not generalize all 4 wheelers as cars. A 3 year old can differentiate between different models and makes of cars, if he has been given the information first. Taking your child out to the zoo, the planetarium, the park, to a relatives’ place for summers, to different cities and cultures is a far greater teacher than LKG-UKG combine. Just because she won’t remember that specific trip ten years hence doesn’t mean that she will gain nothing from it. The idea here is to provide the kid with varied environments and letting her pick up the information lying around. Meeting and living with relatives and friends also serve a very important purpose. The child realizes that everyone is different, as she observes that grandma drinks tea without sugar, grandpa uses a stick, and her aunt ties up her hair differently than mom. Do not attempt to recreate your home’s environment when you are visiting another place, the differences in menu and taste, in bed and in chair will teach your child about the different textures of life.Importance of early years is also emphasized by the science of psychology. Dr. Eric Berne, the father of transactional analysis, believed that a child is influenced most by her parents in the early years of life, before her ‘social birth’ . The ‘recordings’ of feelings and conclusions made in these years are always available to the individual for replay later. By the time a child starts school, she is already exposed to all possible admiration and admonishment of the parent, and later parental communication is only a reinforcement of the feelings and judgments made earlier. This points to the need of a young child to be loved and caressed, and not just cared for. In this sense, a nanny or crèche can never take place of parents with time available for their kids. So Preschool is indeed a precious time in your child’s life. Do not shrug it off as something that he’s not going to remember later, and therefore unimportant. Parents and Teachers, working together, can create an environment in which a child can bloom to his or her full potential in later life.

How to celebrate Holi with Kids.

Holi is around the corner. The festival of free spirits. The festival of fun and frolic, and of bountiful colors. But unfortunately, the festival of colors has also turned into a festival of chemicals. The free spiritedness of Holi also gives rise to total lack of rules on the streets. It is only natural that parents of little angels are as apprehensive as they are excited about Holi. How do they see Holi, and more importantly, how should the kids celebrate Holi?
There is no doubt that kids should be introduced to the Indian culture and festivals. It brings in them a sense of belongingness, and a larger understanding of the society they are a part of. So I would suggest the ideal way to celebrate Holi, or any other festival for that matter is a story. Yes, the mythological story of Hiranyakashipu, Holika, Lord Narsimha and the little Prahlad. I have included a kid-appropriate version of this story at the end of this article. To start with, do include the kids in any preparation you do for holi, like making special sweets, gujia etc. Let the festivities start for them too. The next part is Holika-dahan, when the Holika is burnt and little Prahlad is saved. If a community celebration of this happens in your locality, make sure you take your child to witness it. Otherwise a scaled down version of the same can be hosted at home itself. It would be like having the story enacted, almost like a puppet show. Start with finding a safe place for the fire. A paper-Holika will burn earnestly, whereas a doll disguised as Prahlad can be saved by the child himself. Just attach a string to the Prahlad and ask your child to pull Prahlad to safety as soon as the fire is lighted. In addition to reinforcing the holi story, and imbibing some religious values in the child, this can also serve as a reminder that fire is a dangerous thing and should not be fooled around with. (They did see the Holika burn to ashes, didn’t they?)
Finally, the day of colorful, playful holi comes. You and the kids are ready with their pichkari to soak and color everyone in range. If you can, refrain from using colors and gulals till your kids are a little older. The colors and gulal used in holi are essentially chemicals and can have serious side effects . For example, red is mercury sulphite, green is copper sulphate, purple is made from chromium and bromide compounds and black has lead oxide. Their usage can lead to skin irritation, allergies, hair loss, edema and erythema and even blindness. You can choose to play with natural colors or with plain water. There are a lot of ways to create natural colors – you can use turmeric, beetroot and mehandi (henna) for common colors. You can be creative and make even more colors from household stuff. Ensure that you speak to the parents of his potential playmates so that they also play holi without these chemicals. However, it is always better to prepare your children in case others are playing with these colors. A generous helping of cold cream on the body, and oil on the hair and scalp should help. Clearly instruct your child to close her eyes if someone applies gulal on her head or face, or throws colored water towards her. With these precautions, you can be sure your child is going to have a fun-filled holi with memories to last a lifetime. The Holi story for kids
Once upon a time there was a evil demon-king called Hiranyakashipu who was very proud and arrogant. He considered himself the most powerful one in the world, and ordered everyone to worship him, instead of Lord Vishnu. However, his own son, Prahlad was a very good boy, and a devotee of Lord Vishnu. This made king Hiranyakashipu very angry, and he asked his sister, Holika to get rid of Prahlad. Now, Holika also had a secret power. She was immune to fire, so that fire could never burn her. So, she took Prahlad with her, and sat in a huge bonfire. But Holika forgot that fire is a very dangerous thing, and everybody should be very careful near the fire. So Holika burned, and died. However, little Prahlad was continuously praying to the god, and so was saved because of his devotion to Lord Vishnu. Later, Lord Vishnu took Narsimha avatar and killed the evil king too. So, every year, we burn a bonfire on Holi, to remember that one should always be good, believe in god, and should always be careful of fire.

Choose the right book for your child

Most of us know about the importance of reading to our children. We already know that it is important to read to the kids in order to foster their vocabulary and intelligence. We know that children who are regularly read to are more likely to turn out to be well read and successful adults. We know bedtime stories should form an important part of a child’s night time ritual.But surely, not all stories are appropriate for all ages. In this article we explore which kind of stories and story books go well for which age . Please note that these are only an indicative suggestion. Parents can determine what stage their child fits in, and choose stories for her accordingly.
1. Age 0-1 year
While some experts argue , and so does our mythology, that unborn children in womb also listen, understand and gain from stories, I doubt so. The American Academy for Pediatrics recommends reading to children from 6 month of age. However, kids this young, or younger if you prefer to start early, can not understand the concept of reading. So you can choose from Dr. Suess or Cosmopolitan or your Newspaper, it makes no difference. The child still gets your time and proximity, and is still exposed to the language, which is all a child gathers from stories at this age. The up side with using newspaper as a source is that your knowledge of current affairs might increase dramatically.
2. Age 1-2 years
Children this age have started comprehending that the pictures (and not words) in the books actually correspond to things in real life. So an 15 month old baby realizes that a picture of the flower in a book actually symbolizes a real flower. This is a great leap in understanding. Choose books that have single simple pictures that the child can relate to. Books that have one picture a page are ideal . Examples of a bad choice of book would be a book with cartoons instead of real photographs, or a book with complicated photographs. You can use a book to discuss about the object. For example, a book that says C for CAT and has a cat’s picture can be used to explain the meeow sound of cat, or that cat’s baby is called a kitten, etc. Towards a later stage the child would also like a simple, easy story attached with the pictures she is watching. 3. Age 2-3 years
This is the age when kids understand that the world is vast, and full of exciting things, animals, machines and what not!! Use their natural curiosity to teach them about animals , values, cars, utensils, anything!!! If you tell your baby the story of how Tajmahal was made, she’ll remember the details, and would save you the trouble of increasing her General Knowledge by immensely mundane and boring ways later. The point is, at this age and later, stories can be used very effectively to teach child a lot of things. The topics can vary from Traffic rules to general etiquettes, seven wonders to mythology, from dinosaurs to river Nile. 4. Age 3-4 years: Children start recognizing alphabets at this stage. They realize that letters make words, and words make stories!!! When you read a story to your child, move your finger along the sentence you are reading. This is a deceptively simple thing, but it drives home the point that stories come from sentences made by words. Your child might also learn to recognize some frequently repeated words just by this simple procedure. You can also choose to change the story a little bit and let your child be the hero. Just change the name of key characters of the story and watch the face of your baby light up like a 100 watt bulb! 5. Age 4-5 years
This is the age when kids believe they have truly become big. And why not, they can do so much themselves and reading is just a step away! We as parents can make learning to read fun from them. Choose easy to read books about a variety of subjects that your child shows interest in. Dr. Suess’s books are world-renowned for their easy readability. Let the child take his own time reading. Be patient. He might be able to read a word in one page, only to get stuck with the same word in the next page. Reading is a very slow process for kids, and our hurrying up is only going to make it tougher for them. Celebrate small accomplishments, and help when asked. 6. Age 5+ years
Now is the time for you to handover the selection to your child. You might not always agree with her decision, but do not force the issue. If she chooses Nancy Drew by looking at the attractive cover, gently explain her that it’s not a 6 or 7 year olds’ book. If she insists, let her choose. She’ll soon come to trust your suggestions.
Stories are children’s window to the world. They are also a very important tool for the parents. Parents can use bedtime stories to explore hard to lecture areas, like sharing. You can also spread values in a non-threatening way. Avoid stories with scary stuff like monsters that can produce nightmares. Remember, one sure shot way of making a story smash-hit with the kids is to customize it. Little Medha will sure be interested in ‘Medha and the three bears’, and what will charm Pratik more than ‘Pratik and the beanstalk’!

Hot Sites for children

Computer and internet have become necessary evils, as far as young children are concerned. They are exposed to the computer at a very early age. As this is the age of imitation and possibilities, they want to try it too. Often, even parents who control television viewing rigorously, give in to kids demand for computer easily.
Indeed, computer games are a lesser evil among it and TV. At least, the activity is not as passive as watching TV, and given the amount of software available for kids today, it is a much more enriching educative experience too! Also, learning compute skills early will come handy form their school work later on. For kids less than five, parental control on websites is actually un-necessary, as they can’t surf the net themselves. The role of parents is to find good, age-appropriate websites for kids, that are both fun, and educative. I am giving you a list of websites that I find are very captivating for the young audience.
http://www.bigfishgames.com/online/online.htmlBig fish games have loads of free games. The quality of games is good too. My son loves the ‘Feeding frenzy’ game there.
http://www.fisher-price.com/They have games for little infants too!! This site has a wonderful Abcd song, good for 2+yrs kids. Another favorite is the bubble mower.
http://www.nickjr.comhas all their favorite characters. Good memory and attention grasping games.
http://www.funschool.com/cgi-bin/ga?preschool,iNice educational games if you could get past all the Ads.
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/sesamestreet/?scrollerId=gamesSeasame street of course. Check out the weather game.
www.pitara.com/juniorVery colorful and attractive, enchanting.
http://www.pitara.com/talespin/poems_hindi.aspHindi poems for kids.
http://www.Funbrain.comHas lots of games for math and language.
http://www.billybear4kids.com/Downloadable games, Mac games, good ones for younger kids.
http://www.boowakwala.com/Animated storybooks, songs and games.
http://www.bemboszoo.com/Play with letters and make animals.
http://www.downingm.freeserve.co.uk/playgames.htmNursery rhymes.
http://www.storyplace.org/preschool/other.aspHas awesome stories- animated and all.
http://www.beenleigss.qld.edu.au/requested_sites/audiostories/index.htmlAudio stories.
Of course the net being such a huge place, I can not say that these are the best sites for children, but these are definitely my hot choices as a mother. Hope you would also like to make some use of it!

Is your child allergic to milk?

Your child seems to hate cow’s milk. He complains of stomach ache every time he has milk. Or maybe it’s your little infant, unable to speak our her problems. Her skin breaks out in rashes whenever it comes in contact with milk or cream. She hates bottle like hell. Maybe it’s a milk allergy, But milk is still important part of a child’s diet, you think. Isn’t it?
We have come to look at milk as the miracle food, atleast for the kids. So it is very difficult for the parents of young kids when they discover that their child suffers from milk allergy. In fact, many cases of milk allergy go undiagnosed. Milk is a very common allergen (allergy causing food) and it is important for new parents to have sufficient knowledge about milk allergy. This is even more important when we realize that classic skin tests are not very effective in conforming milk allergy, and diagnosis is mostly dependent on parent’s observations.
What exactly is Milk Allergy?
Milk allergy can manifest itself in two ways – rapid onset, and delayed onset. In rapid onset allergy, the symptoms (about which we discuss in length later) appear within a couple of hours of consuming a dairy product. This kind is easily detectable. Symptoms in delayed onset reaction may take much longer to occur. This makes it much difficult to diagnose, and often results in a chronic disease. Unfortunately, Delayed onset reaction is the more common type of milk allergy.
Milk allergy is also often confused with lactose intolerance. While lactose intolerance too results from milk consumption, Milk allergy can also be caused by milk proteins. It is important to understand the difference between the two. Lactose is a type of milk sugar, and lactose intolerance is found in children whose bodies are unable to metabolize it. It happens because the body is not producing enough lactase, the enzyme that breaks down lactose. The production of lactase is genetically programmed, and its deficiency can occur after a few years of life. Once occurred, It is a life long disease.
Milk protein allergy, however, is caused by immune system’s reaction to the milk proteins. The immune system mistakes milk proteins to be harmful foreign elements, and initializes a series of reactions to expel them out of the body. However, most children outgrow this allergy by the age of five, as their immune system slowly learns to recognize the milk proteins.
Symptoms of Milk Allergy
Both, lactose intolerance and milk protein allergy result in similar kind of symptoms. The allergy can manifest in the skin, digestive system or the respiratory system. Skin reactions may include an itchy red rash, hives, eczema, swelling of lips, mouth, tongue, face or throat. Digestive system reactions might include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, gas, bloating, or abdominal cramps. Respiratory system reactions include runny nose, sneezing, watery eyes, itchy eyes, nasal congestion, wheezing, shortness of breath, or coughing. What is important to realize is that none of these symptoms are confirmatory tests of milk allergy. Even the skin tests can not perfectly confirm a milk allergy. The only sure shot way is to closely observe the child and his diet, and monitor the reactions.
Treatment of Milk Allergy
There is no treatment for milk allergy. Medication is ineffective in treating this condition. As with most allergies, the best way is to avoid the allergen, in this case milk and other dairy products. It is easier said than done. While closely observing the menu is the only option for older children, infants are best when switched to breast milk or soy based formula. Anyways, Breastfed children are less likely to develop food allergies of any sort. In some cases, though, breastfed children develop reactions when they are exposed to milk proteins that is passed to them from mother’s diet through breast milk. In such cases, a nursing mother needs to strictly follow a non-dairy diet herself. A child with Milk protein allergy needs to be challenged with little amounts of milk after every couple of months to ascertain that she has outgrown her allergy or not. However, as discussed earlier, a lactose intolerant child would always remain so, and ought not to be bothered with such periodic tests.
What ! No milk !
This is typically how most acquaintances would react. This stems from a huge emphasis that we place on milk and its nutritional value. However, as the celebrated Dr. Spocks explains in his book, Baby and Child Care, this emphasis is quite misplaced. Animals do not have any milk past infancy, and human body also needs none beyond mother’s milk. But milk is an important source of calcium. Since milk is excluded from the diet of an allergic child, it is important that her diet be nutritionally balanced to overcome the deficiency of calcium. The recommended daily allowance of calcium depends on the age of the individual. Luckily, to meet it is not so hard, as abundant calcium is found in number of plant and animal sources, namely green vegetables (broccoli, collard greens, turnip greens, and kale), fish with soft, edible bones (salmon and sardines), and seafood (oysters and shrimp). The parents should also keep in mind that Calcium cannot be absorbed without Vitamin D. Sources of Vitamin D include eggs, liver, and sunlight.
Summarily, Milk is not the be all of nutrition. Indeed, it can be a primary source of your child’s irritation. Very soon, families of allergic kids find out a number of pleasant ways to avoid milk products, and live happily ever after!!